Creativity Conundrum

Thinking about art has been making me unhappy lately. I've been forced to realize my artistic identity (however, I haven't come full circle yet). Maybe this sounds like a good thing, in reality it is; but when in the midst of struggle and confusion, I ache with depression and sadness.

I was asked to do a painting for a friend and was more than happy to do so...however the process of creating the painting has posed many problems for me. I'm currently on my third painting! Nothing ends up looking like I imagine.

I'm going to post the third attempt at a painting...I'm sure most of you will say you like it...but to me, it's not good enough.

I'm confused...who am I as an artist? What am I supposed to create? Why am I supposed to create? How do I develop ideas and what happens when I don't have to skill to execute my ideas?

Those are my problems....here's what I've realized so far...

#1: I am inspired by people and community. I don't want to copy people, but I am excited about creating art when engulfed in an artistic atmosphere. Where do I find an art community? Are my students my community? Can I teach through action and make art with them? HOW DO I FIND COMMUNITY?

#2: I need space. As much as I need community and people, I need space. I feel claustrophobic in small, messy places...this poses a huuuuge problem right now. Since I share a classroom, there is no space. Since I work so much and so hard, I have no time to clean my space. My home and work are cluttered and I feel overwhelmed, disorganized, lost and upset when I am crammed.

Since I'm so skilled at thinking positively, here's the positive spin on this leg of the journey towards my artistic identity: I'm young! I'm still becoming, still developing. I'm not supposed to be Annie Leibovitz yet...not until I've experienced more. Also, I think I've made supreme progress in determining my artistic identity with just the two thoughts above.

Okay, here's the painting. Let me know what you think.